This post has been brewing for a while, so please bear with me whilst I share some of my thoughts. Today I want to talk about why I do what I do, because I feel that sometimes my intent is lost and misunderstood. We had an interesting discussion recently in a bento group that I belong to - why do we make bento, why do we blog about it? We all had our different reasons, we all had our points of view, but one thing is for sure, not a single one of us ever set out to make other people feel bad, nor put anyone down, nor judge anybody else's choices. We all live our own lives doing what we love, for the joy of it, for the joy it brings our children, and when it comes down to it, that's all it is about, our children, not anyone else's. A key element that I have found common to all bento makers is love. Love for food, love for creativity, and love for our partners, children or whoever we make our bento meals for.
Having a blog about bento means that you have to develop a thick skin. It shouldn't be so, but it is. By publicly sharing my son's lunches, I am saying to all and sundry, feel free to comment, to give your opinions, to judge me and my life based on a photo of my son's food. People are often very lovely, and very supportive, but all too often they are far from pleasant. From the classic 'Nobody real has time for that' to 'She probably sits around on her backside all day while her maids take care of the house' (wouldn't that be great?!) it would seem that everyone has an opinion on my life and how I choose to live it. When the Daily Mail published an article about my lunches earlier this year, there were 978 comments made, many of them unpleasant. It didn't help that the article was factually incorrect (my son is not in the slightest bit picky about food, unless you count his hatred of celery!) but still, 978! Lets say each of those people took 2 minutes to make a comment, that's more than 32 hours! Just think of the amount of pretty packed lunches you could make in that time!
Most of the time I take it on the chin, deal, and move on, but sometimes, there is so much criticism thrown at me, one comment can be the last straw, and I can't help but feel sad that my intent has been so misunderstood. I started this blog because I was inspired by so many other bloggers, who did and continue to do a fantastic job of sharing their own creative ideas. I wanted a place to record my own efforts, and I dearly hoped that one day I might be able to inspire others as I have so often been inspired myself. I believe that what I do is simple, doable, and fun, and I don't set out for it to be anything else. I hope to inspire, to bring a little extra fun to life through food. I want to show that healthy food can be interesting too, and that it can easily compete with the jazzy packaging that so much unhealthy processed food has to hide behind.
There has recently been a surge of posts on various parenting blogs and websites slating 'bento mums' (we're a separate breed apparently!) for 'making the rest of us look bad' but that is never, ever my intention. Just because I make pretty lunches, it doesn't mean I always get it right. My children have the occasional happy meal from the dreaded golden arches, they sometimes enjoy crisps, and chocolate - our life and our diet is not perfect. Here on the blog I share the best of what I can do, but it is just a snapshot, and does not represent my whole life. There are things that I fail at, my house for example, frequently looks like a bomb has hit it, but when I manage to get things right I like to share it, as to me, that's the point of this blog, my happy place, where I can celebrate the joy of creativity. For me, life is never about one-upmanship but always about celebrating individuals and their talents, whatever they may be. There is no 'them and us', only all of us, muddling along as best we can.
I always hope to encourage creativity, in whatever form it may take. With that in mind, I would really love it if you would share with me today something creative from your own life. Whether it is a beautiful cake you have made, a recipe that you are proud of, a craft project that you have blogged about, a picture your child has painted, a costume that you have made, a play scene that your children left behind, a beautiful photograph that you took or a lovely bento lunch, please share it! Let's celebrate spending time on something just because it brings you joy, let's celebrate our differences, let's celebrate our creativity!
Grace
Samantha Rickelton says
Ah, I personally think it is fantastic that you take the time and effort to take beautiful photographs and write tutorials/ideas to help and inspire others. I love seeing your photo's on Instagram or twitter and although bento isn't for me, your pictures always make me smile xx
Grace says
Thank you Samantha, I think that's my point really, it isn't for you, but you wouldn't make nasty comments about it. Bloggers write about what we love, it would be very boring if we all blogged about the same thing!
Lauren (@laurenbigeejit) says
This is a very gracious and lovely response to what can only be described as petty jealousy. Your critics are the ones with too much time on their hands if they can devote so much to bitching about you. I love your blog, and can't wait to make Bento lunches for my children xxxxxx
Grace says
Thank you Lauren, that's a lovely comment. I'm sure you will enjoy bento lunches as much as your children! 🙂
Keitha says
Great post. I am inspired by your lovely food creations.
Grace says
Thank you Keitha, and back at you! 🙂
Jessica Catterall says
If it helps, you inspired me! I wouldn't know what bento lunches were if I hadn't seen your instagram page then read your blogs. My poor son would still be eating plain crackers and pom bears every day. I think you have put this very well and I hope people find something better to do with their time!
Grace says
Thanks very much Jessica, it really makes my day to hear that I have managed to inspire someone! I do love a packet of pom bears though! ;-P
Jackie Loving Lunches says
I love your creativity and you inspire me in so many ways!
I added the cheese cake ice cream cones I came up with early on in my Bento/fun food journey. These are still a favourite and have been re interpreted multiple times in our house :--)
Grace says
Thank you Jackie, and thank you for linking up! You are a great source of creative inspiration too, and your cheese cake ice cream cones look amazing!
Amy Masterson says
Well written Grace! I believe that others criticize others because they feel inadequate or either superior. Most of the time the feeling of inadequacy makes us lash out. People do not understand that not everyone has the same talents or the same priorities. People are made different. Instead of giving praise for accomplishments they give rude remarks. We live in a society that would rather criticize than praise. Not everyone has the same talents. I tell my children this all the time. I don't think I will ever understand why grown people find it necessary to bully others. Especially when they do so from the safety of a computer. These people probably would never be so openly rude to your face. All of us who bento have our own reasons for why we do and have varying talents. Just know that for every nasty remark there is always someone else who gets it and has an encouraging word. Your lunches are lovely and I myself spent hours on your blog figuring out what bento was about. Inspire who you can. You are inspiring. You are a star in the eyes of your children and that is what really matters.
Grace says
You get it exactly Amy, thank you for your lovely comment! I do usually ignore it, but sometimes it's hard to let it go. The internet does sadly provide a forum for people to make nasty comments under the cover of anonymity, but you are right, there are many many positive comments and lovely people to balance out the nasties!
Selena @ How About Cookie says
BEAUTIFULLY said. You are inspiring. Now off to make a time-wasting bento!
Grace says
Thank you Selena, do have fun! 🙂
Victoria says
I think what you do is great. Making bento lunches isn't where my interests lie, but I do still occasionally enjoy making more interesting lunches for my daughter and I love looking at your pictures and admiring how inventive you are!
I have emailed you a pic of some of my sewing as I can't figure out how to link to it and I have some rather pressing quilting to do as a wedding deadline is looming!
Grace says
Thank you Victoria, your picture was beautiful - I can barely sew on a button so I am extremely impressed!
Sherryl Johnson says
Reading your last post made me sad. I have been totally inspired by your website and have started creating lovely packed lunch for my daughter based on your ideas. I certainly never thought that you 'had too much time on your hands' or whatever and I think it is fantastic to try and make lunches as exciting as possible. I remember boring sandwiches and a packet of crisps from my own childhood and whilst I am not critising my own mother at all, I'd like to make happier memories for my own child. Please carry on inspiring me!!
Grace says
Thank you so much Sherryl, I'm so happy to hear my blog has inspired you, I'm sure your daughter loves her lunches!
Jade Pirard (Late For Reality) says
Well said Grace, I adore your 'work' as that is what Bento essentially, an artform. It inspires me and I think that there will always be people who complain and leave horrible comments but if they went to a top restaurant and their food was slopped on the plate they would complain about that too! Can't please everyone but you certainly make me smile 🙂 xx
Grace says
Thank you so much Jade, I think you raise an excellent point about restaurants - presentation is everything!
My Two Mums says
I think it's sad when people feel they have to put others down to make themselves feel better. You shouldn't have to justify your blog. You are an inspiration and such a lovely person. You are worth far more than those who put you down.
Grace says
Thank you so much, what a lovely comment! 🙂
Julie Roo says
I have food envy, not nasty jealousy though. Your bento lunches are cool. It's not for me, my eldest would be embarrassed and my youngest has free school dinners. But I love this blog. Your photos are artwork. Keep going!
Grace says
Thank you Julie, I realise it's not for everyone, but I thoroughly enjoy making bento lunches and blogging in my own way! 🙂
Wendy Finn says
I'm with you. I got a spate of this last Christmas, even venturing onto my FB page to criticise: "Why make gingerbread. Haven't you heard of shops?" Well that's not the point! Of course you can buy biscuits, of course you can buy a load of stuff and put it in a lunchbox, but we're choosing not to because we want our kids to eat healthy and love food. And cooking with them and packing nice lunch boxes is the way we choose to do it. We're not saying "look how fabulous I am!" I personally don't go in for cutting things into pretty shapes and such, like you do (my daughter is a bit old for that) but I don't chastise you for doing it. I like seeing your creations and admire your creativity. Keep on packing 🙂
Grace says
Wow, criticising gingerbread?! Clearly they haven't been fortunate enough to taste it fresh from the oven! I fully intend to continue blogging once Small Child has grown out of the pretty shapes - it is and always has been about the healthy food for me, the creative part is just an extra bonus! Thank you for your lovely comment, and I'm sorry that you have had to endure the same!
Kathy says
Beautifully written Grace!
Grace says
Thank you Kathy!
Bentomonsters says
Very well written! Great post, Grace. 🙂
Grace says
Thank you very much! 🙂
Lisa says
Beautifully written Grace. You put yourself out there and that is brave. Imagine if these individuals were able to focus the negativity into a creative pursuit of their own, rather that attacking those who have found and share their joy. To paraphrase Nicola Tesla "If your hate could be turned into 'creativity' you could light up the whole world". Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted, because you also include your children, and are teaching them to appreciate and connect with their food. Possibly not everyone has that luxury, but if it bothers them SO much, they need to analyse themselves and re-prioritize their lives. What is important to some will not be important to others. That is their issue and it has nothing to do with you. We are allowed to be happy even though someone else is not. And 'you' are NOT responsible for a strangers perceived shortcomings of themselves. <3
Grace says
Thank you, it's certainly true that we all have the same 24 hours, and that we set our own priorities in how we choose to spend it. It really is very sad that how I chose to spend my time bothers others!
Lisa Blevins says
Very well said! I too enjoy making fun, creative lunches for my kiddos. Not because I'm trying to be some sort of super mom, but because I truly enjoy doing it. It's almost like a hobby.
Grace says
Thank you Lisa, and that is exactly it - it's something I do because I enjoy it, not because I am trying to be better than anyone else! Like I said in the post, there are many things that I fail at, having a perfect house for one, but nobody wants to see pictures of my untidy house!
Suzanne says
lovely, honest post Grace. you put so much effort into sharing your lunches and also supporting others that do the same as you. I for one am really grateful. I'm not a "bento mum" but some of your ideas have helped me make some really fun lunches for my kids. I love your posts and I think your kids are very lucky to have such a creative mum. I do think it's very sad that other mums feel the need to critisize you or your blog to make themselves feel better. Keep going! You're doing great!
Grace says
Thank you very much Suzanne, we are all creative in our own ways, your pouches for example are gorgeous, your very own creation! 🙂
Capture by Lucy says
Hoorah! I am so fed up of all the criticism in the "so say supportive" community. We are all doing our best and that best may be channeled into lunches, or crafts, or teaching your kids to swim or investing time getting them out for walks, discovering nature, who knows! I had a forced break over the last few weeks on account of moving and no internet and its made me realise I have sort of lost my way with my blog. I set out for my blog to be my creative escape not something that added stress to family life! Balance is the key and I will blog about what I want when I want and hope that someone other than my Mum and my Sister read it 😉 xxx
Grace says
Yes, exactly that Lucy! Your blog is absolutely beautiful and I for one will be reading whatever you have to say and share 🙂
Rina @ Bento School Lunches says
What a great post Grace, beautifully written! I love your creativity and your blog!
Grace says
Thank you very much Rina! Your own blog is wonderfully creative! 🙂
Genevieve says
What a gracious reply Grace to all the sad and obviously jealous people who took the time to bring all their negativity to such a delightful and beautiful thing that you do. Your lunches are pure brilliance and talent and everyone I show them to is blown away. I'm so pleased to see that you have so many trillions of supporters and admirers and I never tire of seeing new lunches - yes ok not having children yet means I get to make them for myslf for the time being ha! Keep 'em coming sis! Xx
Emily says
I love watching you do so thank you for sharing - and inspiring.
I pack my daughter's lunch bento style. As vegetarians, she will never eat school lunch. Which means that I am going to be packing lunches forprettymuchever. I may as well have fun with it. Plus it's like a love note to her in the middle of the day. It takes all of 15 minutes and a couple of cookie cutters and food picks to make lunch interesting.
Sorry for the tacky people. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to see if Amazon has those star shaped silicone cups...
The Student @ Food for Dissertating says
I love your blog. For what it is worth, I pack lunches for myself, and on the occasional bad days, it is like a little present mid-day, both because I get a nice lunch (unlike the Sad Desk Lunch people on Flickr) and because I get to share it with other people, like you, who also care about the things I care about. I open my lunch box and it is a little ray of sunshine. I'm sure that for many children of "bento mums" it's a similar feeling.
Everybody has discretionary time. Some people watch TV. Some people plan and make lunches. The internet is often a place people spend their discretionary time spreading nastiness. They'd do that whether you were around for it or not!
Beau says
Great job Grace, I loved reading it. Keep on doing what you love!
Jen says
I love this post but I'm sad that you have to write it, of course you don't set out to make others feel bad! You do something fabulous and you have inspired many (including me!) You should be allowed to feel pride in creating such fabulous looking meals. I guess with blogging we are all putting ourselves out there for criticism but that doesn't mean it's nice when it comes. We should be proud of our achievements wether food related, crafty or any thing else! I will link up a post later when i'm on the laptop.
Clare @ Emmys Mummy says
Fabulous post
I love your creations and often head over for inspiration
nutritious deliciousness says
I love your Bento, I must make an effort to do some for my 4 yo, she would love it and yes, vive la difference! x
Nes says
If I want to make a nice, interesting and different lunch for my child, I should be able to do so without someone criticising it. Maybe it is their own insecurities or guilt that drives the nasty comments. My child's lunch shouldn't be anyone's business. If I was sending unhealthy food, I'm sure they would have something to say then too.
My son is starting school next year and I plan on making bento lunches for him. Something quirky and different to the usual sandwich lunches. I truly hope I don't encounter any of this negativity.
Great post!
Ola says
I was looking through your list of alternatives to sandwiches, and so stumbled across /lunches/mini-peppers-purple-carrots
The last sentence says it all for me "Once again I thoroughly enjoyed the process of putting the lunch box together, and Small Child polished off every last crumb." Haters can hate, and makers should make 🙂
Galina V says
I don't do Bento myself, but I support all creativity. For me baking is therapeutic, so when I am feeling low, I bake or cook something complicated. As I don't have any Bento recipes or posts on my blog, I have added my Gruffalo's child pancake.
It is truly sad that you felt compelled to justify what you are doing and almost apologize for your creativity and self-expression. Never apologize, those people who accuse you of not being real and having servants, probably wouldn't think twice about wasting time on never-ending soaps or reality shows.
Kelly Lester (@EasyLunchboxes) says
This post is, quite simply, a humble and personal expression about, as well as extension of, the art you do. You've written the perfect reply to all the naysayers, put-downers, finger-pointers, bento-mockers, creative-cursers, and sorry hate promoters. Thank you Grace.
Miriam says
I think food should look nice, and I make an effort to pack my daughter lunches in colorful bowls and often cut her food like stars/hearts etc. although I am not as creative as you. anyone who makes nasty comments about your food creations is only doing so because he/she are jealous or feel bad about themselves and their lack of imagination. Keep smiling and making your son smile with healthy love food.
Kirsty Hijacked By Twins says
What you create is fantastic! Well done for standing up to the trolls xx
Rebecca says
I ADORE the blog! I work in a nursery and passed it on, because all the wonderful things you create with the cutters etc. showed just how we could get our tinies preparing food to look gorgeous whilst still actually eating it once they'd finished. You also write beautifully so please don't stop 🙂 x
Mums do travel says
I can't believe what's happened to you as a result of making lovely lunches and writing about it! I'm so sorry for the negativity that you've encountered and I really admire the measured, calm way that you've responded. Your blog is great and I wish you all the best with it. My creativity is all in my writing so I'll share that with you.
Esther @ Inside Out and About says
I honestly can't believe that people would be so negative about something so harmless as bento lunches. Perfect response and you have nothing to feel bad about! Keep doing what you're doing and enjoy it! Your creativity is inspiring! x
jodi says
Sorry for all the negative posts. I personally love them! Although I don't always have the time to be so crwrive, your pictures inspire me to prepare fab lunches that are much more interesting and find from the samw ole sandwich every day. I say keep it coming because there are many of UA that love it!
Ariani says
Very well written, Grace! Don't let the negativity bring you down. You are so inspiring! Thanks for hosting!
Kellie says
I think it's really sad that you feel you have to justify what you do. I love your blog and as a direct result of it, my children now take a much more interesting lunch into school!
It's such a shame that people feel the need to be so negative about something that really doesn't have to affect them.
Please carry on doing what you do and although easier said than done, try to ignore the small minded idiots!